You may not have noticed, but you haven’t heard from me in a while. I was trapped under the giant avalanche of papers that is graduate school. Some of these papers were generated by me, most were authored by others. I had to read my way out. It was harrowing.
In my last dispatches, I wrote about the anxiety of starting grad school. Of settling on a course of action. Of debt. So the big question is, one semester in, did I make the right choice? Is it worth it?
So far, I am happy I decided to attend social work school. I can’t make much of a comparison between my school and others (except for, ahem, the bill), but I think social work is a kick-ass profession. Like most fields, social work has some problematic (read: paternalistic/racist/classist/homophobic) history that can not be excused. Then as now, social workers are tackling some of society’s thorniest problems, and sometimes we do it well and sometimes we do it poorly. That said, I appreciate a graduate program with a curriculum that requires all students to turn a critical eye toward themselves and the systems they participate in, to study oppression and how to combat it. I love that I am joining a cohort of these kind of people: http://riseconference.org. It’s refreshing and exhilarating to hear the thoughts of professors who are also experienced professionals in the field. My brain is whirring to life again.
One of the more unique aspects of social work school is that it requires 1200 hours of field work over two years. This means in addition to taking four classes, I work three full days per week. These three days are the most gratifying, but also the most exhausting. They require stamina and ingenuity, and occasionally the biting back of tears. However, they also offer up those golden bubbles that remind me why I do what I do. When a teenage boy wants to show me something he’s proud of. When a teenage girl shares her philosophy of life. When I have occasion to offer silent thanks for small victories.
In the coming semester, I hope to gain more specific knowledge that will benefit the people I work with. I spend my day helping teenagers develop healthy coping skills, and I also hope to have the strength to take my own advice. There are things that happen during the day that replay on a loop as soon as I close my eyes. I would like someone to teach me where the pause button is. I would like to learn how to change the playback from the same old thing to something new. That would be quite a feat in New York City. I’ll let you know how it goes.
So far, so good.
Lily Brent is a graduate student in Social Work and International Affairs at Columbia University. Prior to entering the dual masters program, Lily worked for the Agahozo-Shalom Youth Village, a holistic community educating and caring for 500 orphaned and vulnerable youth in Rwanda. She spent 2010 volunteering on the ground in the Village as part of the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee’s Jewish Service Corps. Lily is a graduate of Oberlin College and a New Jersey native. She blogs at redclimbinglily.wordpress.com and has published short fiction at 42Opus.
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Lily – I love this post! I am also in graduate school for social work – graduating (knock wood) in May. I have also found myself hidden under a pile of papers for the past year and a half and have as a result also found my “brain whirring to life again.” I have had numerous conversations with colleagues and supervisors about the profession’s emphasis on critical thinking and self-reflection. I think it’s unique and I think it makes us both better professionals and better people. As for the constant playback of the day’s events – I have certain moments that still flash through my mind when I close my eyes, and I think that’s ok. What’s important is that I have learned to let the smaller moments go and have learned to control the emotional reactions that those larger moments evoke in me. My advice to you would be to use supervision to hash out those moments you can’t seem to let go of, and keep plugging away. It sounds like you’re loving the experience, and I am excited to have such a passionate and hardworking colleague in the field. Best of luck!
Melanie–Thanks for leaving a comment,I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I think we are both describing what is a life-long process for people in many different professions–how to think critically without being our own worst critics, how to maintain drive without driving ourselves crazy. Thanks for your advice. One of my favorite things about Pursue is the way it connects people doing similar work. It’s good to know you’re out there too! Congratulations on graduation and all the best of luck to you as well.